The Menopause Survival Guide ...For Men
Weight Gain
Hello, and welcome to "The Menopause Survival Guide…For Men". We're going to continue our discussion about menopause and its impact on your relationship and mental health. If you're reading this, you might be feeling distressed and worried about the state of your relationship or your own well-being. But let me tell you, there is hope. This can be fixed. Let's discuss loss of libido...
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​Tread very carefully with this one, gentlemen. Think very carefully about anything that you think about saying with regards to weight gain in your partner. You could cause a massive argument or wound her deeply.
Weight gain, particularly around the abdomen and waistline, is a common symptom experienced by many women during menopause. It occurs due to a combination of hormonal changes, metabolic shifts, aging-related factors, and lifestyle influences, making it difficult to manage and control. While the exact mechanisms underlying weight gain are multifactorial, declining estrogen levels, decreased muscle mass, and changes in fat distribution all contribute to changes in body composition and weight distribution.
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What Causes Weight Gain?
Estrogen helps regulate metabolism, appetite, and fat distribution in the body, and its decline during menopause can lead to metabolic slowdown, increased appetite, and preferential deposition of fat around the abdomen and waistline. Additionally, changes in estrogen levels can affect insulin sensitivity and glucose metabolism, further contributing to weight gain and metabolic disturbances.
Age-related muscle loss, known as sarcopenia, accelerates during menopause and can contribute to changes in metabolism, energy expenditure, and body composition. Loss of muscle mass reduces basal metabolic rate (BMR), making it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it. Additionally, decreased muscle mass reduces calorie expenditure during physical activity, further exacerbating weight gain and metabolic dysfunction.
Changes in fat distribution, particularly visceral fat accumulation, are common during menopause and contribute to abdominal obesity and metabolic complications. Visceral fat, which surrounds abdominal organs, is metabolically active and releases inflammatory substances that promote insulin resistance, inflammation, and metabolic syndrome. This type of fat deposition increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and other obesity-related conditions.
Lifestyle influences such as diet, physical activity, stress, and sleep patterns play a significant role in determining weight gain during menopause. Poor dietary choices, excessive calorie intake, sedentary behavior, chronic stress, and inadequate sleep can all contribute to weight gain, exacerbating metabolic disturbances and increasing the risk of obesity-related health complications.
My partner was on a keto diet so it shouldn’t have affected her as much. In case you don’t know it’s a kind of diet where only specific food types are allowed. My partner used to be overweight years back, so she was very very careful about what she ate. She would often graze on strange home recipe snacks throughout the day. However, I noticed that she was grazing more and more as she became more and more sullen and lethargic. She had previously had an active job and now worked from home, which didn’t help things.
She went into a depression and seemed to be subconsciously soothing herself with food. Obviously no diet works if you completely overdo the amounts that you are taking. So it started to have an effect on her weight, which pushed her into an even deeper depression. She would often comment on it and I’d of course tell her I hadn’t noticed anything. If I paid her a compliment, she would often take it the wrong way and say that she knew I was lying, and it made her feel worse because it drew attention to her weight. I have no idea how that worked but I kept the compliments to a minimum. Obviously every woman is going to be different here.
I found the best thing to say was that I was more than happy with her weight and actually preferred it, but if it really bothered her then maybe we could go out for walks or work out together. She said that was a great idea but then made absolutely no effort to do so and continued complaining. I left it at that. I think the important thing is to choose your battles and give the correct responses when required.
However, if you’re really feeling the love, throw a compliment at her. I would often feel overwhelming feelings towards her, probably because of the lack of intimacy, so if I was feeling it, I’d let her know how sexy and beautiful she is.
One last thing to be wary of from my personal experience. I got blamed for her weight gain a couple of times. At one point she said it was because she felt so guilty about hiding her lack of feelings for me that she was overeating.
Second time was because I'd often buy stuff I liked and I'd get Keto appropriate alternatives, such as dark chocolate, so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating chocolate in front of her.
EVEN THOUGH I WAS UNDERSTANDING OF THE WEIGHT GAIN AND ACTUALLY EMBRACED IT, IT WAS SEEN AS ME SABOTAGING HER.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I WAS TOO SOFT AND UNDERSTANDING.
THIS IS THE KIND OF RED FLAG I WILL CERTAINLY BE AWARE OF IN FUTURE. WE'LL GET INTO CHANGES IN BRAIN CHEMISTRY IN A FUTURE CHAPTER.
AGAIN, YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY ASSESS AND LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH AND WALK AWAY IF SHE IS BECOMING TOO TOXIC. DON'T FEEL GUILTY. YOUR HEALTH IS IMPORTANT TOO!!!
Useful Strategies
Encourage your partner to adopt healthy lifestyle habits that support weight management and overall well-being. Emphasize the importance of balanced nutrition, regular physical activity, stress management techniques, and adequate sleep in maintaining a healthy weight and reducing the risk of obesity-related health complications.
Promote the importance of strength training and resistance exercises in preserving muscle mass, increasing metabolism, and promoting fat loss during menopause. Encourage your partner to incorporate strength training exercises into her fitness routine, focusing on major muscle groups such as legs, arms, back, and core.
Offer support and encouragement as your partner makes dietary changes to support weight management and metabolic health. Encourage a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats, while minimizing processed foods, sugary beverages, and high-calorie snacks. Help your partner identify potential triggers for overeating or emotional eating and explore strategies to address them effectively.
Be a source of emotional support, encouragement, and reassurance. Validate her feelings and experiences, express empathy and understanding, and offer practical assistance to help her maintain a positive body image and self-esteem. Remind her that her worth is not defined by her weight or appearance and that you love and support her unconditionally.
Encourage your partner to seek professional guidance from a healthcare provider or registered dietitian if weight gain persists or significantly impacts her physical or emotional well-being. A healthcare provider can assess potential underlying causes of weight gain, provide personalized recommendations for diet and exercise, and offer support and guidance to help her achieve her health and weight management goals.
If compliments and touching help your partner then do as much of that as you can. If it’s the other way then just empathise and try to guide her as best you can. If you're unsure of how it works, women like empathy very much.
This isn't telling her how she could fix her problems or advising her. It's simply listening and nodding and agreeing. This is a common mistake that men make. You've probably heard women say they like a man who is a good listener. That's what they're referring to. It's how they talk to one another. Whereas men tend to try to solve problems or fix things when they are told about somebody's problems.
So try to take a pause before you speak every now and then, and just shut up and listen to what you're being told, and say that's tough, or that sucks. And words to that effect. You'll be surprised at the response you get.
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For the next one, we'll be covering joint pain.