THE MENOPAUSE SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR...MEN
Hello, and welcome to "The Menopause Survival Guide…For Men"
Today we're going to continue our discussion about menopause and its impact on your relationship and mental health. If you're reading this, you might be feeling distressed and worried about the state of your relationship or your own well-being. But let me tell you, there is hope.
This can be fixed.
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Let’s talk about the main symptoms of menopause in a bit more detail. Don't worry, we'll be going into these in-depth in further chapters. For now, we just want to learn the basics...
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Irregular Periods
- Probably the first indicator that your partner is perimenopausal is changes in her menstrual cycle. They may become irregular, shorter, or longer. You will probably become aware of this quite quickly when sex is off the cards earlier, later, or longer than you expect. Don’t read into this. It’s likely that her periods will become very unpredictable. It doesn’t mean she’s trying to avoid sex.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Hot Flashes and Night Sweats
- This is one of the most unbearable parts of menopause for women, and it was one of the first indicators to us that it was beginning. I started to wake up to find her drenched in sweat. Changes in hormone levels will make it difficult for the body to regulate temperature levels correctly, so she will suddenly feel a rapid sensation of intense heat and begin sweating profusely.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Sleep Problems
- If you are sweating at night, it is going to affect your sleep. But hormone levels also play a part in lack of sleep. When my ex first started HRT at a low level it mostly solved the hot flushes and sweating but she still couldn’t sleep at night. She would be going to sleep at around 3am and getting up at 6am. This has a profound effect on a person’s moods and ability to function properly. As this got worse, I noticed her become a lot more irritable and depressed.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Mood Changes
- Your partner is going to have mood swings, become irritable, and possibly depressed due to hormonal fluctuations impacting her brain chemistry. If you add just these three symptoms together, I’m sure you can already imagine what an absolute nightmare it is for her. Don’t take it personally if she takes things out on you. Just calmly remind her that you are on her side, and to try and keep it respectful and to a minimum. You are going to have to be very calm and understanding with this or it’s going to cause bitter arguments. Take it on the chin. You’re a big boy.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Vaginal Dryness
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Decreased estrogen levels lead to thinning and drying of vaginal tissues, causing discomfort during intercourse. There are plenty of lubes to choose from to combat this. And take it easy down there. If you hit a dry spot, you may get friction burns. Prep the area thoroughly, if you know what I mean.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Decreased Libido
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Reduced sexual desire due to hormonal changes, vaginal dryness, and other physical and emotional factors. My partner told me that a lot of women in a menopause Facebook group mentioned this. They felt repulsed by the idea of sex but still loved their partner. They just wanted to be held in a non-sexual way.
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Now this is a complicated one because she is probably not going to openly admit to you straight away that she doesn’t want to sleep with you. She may express something along the lines that you expect it too much. You may find that she is finding excuses not to have sex, such as tiredness, or the old cliché of a headache. She may even stay up late on purpose to claim that she is tired.
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This is going to cause a lot of frustration on your part and increase tension in the relationship. Try to remember that she isn’t doing this on purpose. She is trying not to hurt your feelings, and once sex stops completely, she will be worried that you will take it badly. Don’t. Try to think back to a time when you didn’t feel like it (tough I know) and be understanding. There’s no point in arguing about it or forcing the issue. It is what it is. She isn’t doing this to annoy or frustrate you. And blaming her for something she can’t control isn’t going to do either of you any favours.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Fatigue
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Persistent tiredness resulting from poor sleep, hormonal changes, and the body's adjustment to new hormone levels. Add all the above symptoms together and you have a potent mix of factors that are going to make her feel like an absolute shell of a person. If you can, try and help with this. Maybe help by doing things round the house and if you notice that she is struggling to do something that she normally does, do it for her. Don’t expect a medal for this. It just shows her that you care and that you are trying.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Memory Problems and Difficulty Concentrating
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Cognitive issues, often described as "brain fog," due to fluctuating estrogen levels affecting brain function. She may struggle to find the words for something or forget conversations. She may make mistakes in work, adding to her overall stress levels. Again, try and take up the slack. Maybe create a shared calendar and keep an eye that she doesn’t miss anything or offer to do it for her instead.
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Weight Gain
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Hormonal changes contribute to increased body fat, especially around the abdomen, and decreased muscle mass. You know the score with this one guys. Pay her plenty of compliments. Have all the right responses ready when she mentions that she is putting on weight.
