The Menopause Survival
Guide ...For Men
Hello, and welcome to "The Menopause Survival Guide…For Men"
Today we're going to continue our discussion about menopause and its impact on your relationship and mental health. If you're reading this, you might be feeling distressed and worried about the state of your relationship or your own well-being.
But let me tell you, there is hope.
This can be fixed.
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Let’s talk about mood changes in your partner
Mood Changes
Becoming Her Personal Punching Bag
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This is going to be one of the most difficult aspects for you to deal with personally. As they say, you always hurt the ones you love, and it’s especially true in this case. No. Your partner does not hate you. She is just going to find you more irritating than usual, and she is probably going to voice her grievances with you a lot more often, and if she hasn’t previously, she may start unloading a lot of things that she’s never mentioned before. This is going to be extremely debilitating to you. You will feel attacked. You may take some serious hits to your confidence and sense of self-worth. And this is where you are going to have to watch your own mental health.
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Even though my partner and I were excellent at communicating with one another, I found it overwhelming to suddenly have all these things thrown at me. Often all at once. It’s important to take in what she’s telling you and try to not repeat the things that are making her feel unhappy. On the flip side, don’t allow yourself to be treated like a doormat. You must remain true to yourself. So, if you feel a shift in the power balance where you are constantly feeling knocked down and mistreated, then you should take a step back and assess if it is truly worth it.
If she is shouting at you, de-escalate the situation. Speak calmly and assuredly. If she is throwing a lot of issues at you, ask her to ease off, and remind her that you are on her side and doing your absolute best.
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Be under no illusion, during these moments of anger and brutal honesty, you may have some of your deepest fears realised. It’s easy to touch a nerve when you are angry with somebody, and she may get very angry quite a lot. You may find that things that are said that will haunt you and come up further down the line. I know that I was left feeling extremely insecure and anxious after 12 months of this.
So please remember that you don’t have to remain if it is too much for you. You are free to walk away, even if it’s just to give yourself a break. Leave the room. Go out and hang out with some friends, or in more severe cases, feel free to ask her to take some space from one another. Don’t feel guilty about this. Your mental health is important too. And as I worked tirelessly to keep the relationship going, I had no idea that it was going to affect me so deeply toward the end.
It ultimately ended up destroying our relationship because I just couldn’t cope any more. And I was not forgiven for losing my cool one time. Always remember that loyalty and understanding work both ways and keep assessing the situation. There is nothing wrong with saying that you can’t cope. And there is nothing wrong with leaving somebody who makes you feel anxious, miserable and unhappy. Especially if you feel that they wouldn’t do the same for you.
Understanding Mood Changes
Mood changes, including mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and depression, are common experiences for women during the menopausal transition. Fluctuations in hormone levels can impact neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which regulate mood and emotions.
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Mood changes during menopause can manifest in various ways, ranging from mild mood swings to debilitating anxiety or depression. While some women may experience subtle shifts in mood, others may struggle with intense emotional fluctuations that significantly impact their quality of life.
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Estrogen plays a crucial role in regulating serotonin levels in the brain, which affects mood, sleep, and appetite. Declining estrogen levels during menopause can lead to mood disturbances and emotional instability.
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Psychosocial factors such as stress, relationship issues, work-related challenges, and life transitions can contribute to mood changes during menopause. Women may feel more stressed and emotional vulnerable as they navigate the complexities of midlife.
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Menopause can impact a woman's overall well-being, relationships, and daily functioning. Persistent anxiety, irritability, or depression can interfere with work performance, social interactions, and self-esteem, leading to feelings of isolation and distress.
Strategies
Validation:
Acknowledge and validate your partner's feelings and experiences, even if you may not fully understand or relate to them. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for her to express her emotions and concerns without fear of criticism or dismissal.
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Communication:
Good communication is vital. Communicate openly and listen actively to what she is saying. Allow her to share her thoughts, fears, and struggles openly. Be attentive and empathetic, offering her support and reassurance without trying to solve or minimize her feelings. Don’t try to fix all of her problems all of the time. Women often respond better to somebody being empathetic and simply agreeing that her problems are tough.
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Be proactive:
Encourage your partner to engage in stress-reducing activities such as meditation, yoga, deep breathing exercises, or mindfulness practices to manage stress and promote emotional well-being.
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If things are particularly bad, encourage your partner to seek professional support from a therapist, counsellor, or mental health professional. Try to go to any doctor’s appointments so you know what’s going and are actively participating in decisions.
My partner was initially put on anti-depressants (SSRI’s). I did not know that these can make somebody feel worse for the first few weeks. So, I watched a rapid decline and panicked. Suggesting that she stop taking them. She also admitted that she’d taken them in the past and that they’d affected her sex drive. This meant that as her libido declined, for which I was blaming the medication.
When in fact, it was declining estrogen levels. It didn’t make much of a difference in the long term, but I imagine that had she stuck with them, she would have at least felt a bit better emotionally. These are important points to know and consider and may help you navigate your partner’s condition better.
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Help her:
It’s time to put down the Playstation controller and roll up your sleeves. Provide practical support and assistance to help alleviate stress and lighten your partner's workload. Offer to help with household chores, childcare responsibilities, and errands, allowing her time and space to focus on self-care and emotional healing.
Whenever I noticed that my partner was struggling with something, I would offer to help, or just do it. This is not the time to expect praise for doing something useful. Just do it without expectation. She would often be very pleased to find that while she’d been at the shop I’d washed her dishes, tidied up, or folded the washing.
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For the next part, we'll explore the unique challenges of vaginal dryness.
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