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Helping Children To Deal With A Parent Going Through Menopause

It's important that children are made aware of the changes happening with your partner. It's healthy to discuss things with them, and it's important for them to know that it is temporary and that none of your partner's behaviours are their fault. Discussing menopause will help them understand what's going on and make them feel seen and heard.  

Helping Them Understand The Menopause

Age-Appropriate Explanations

 

  • Young Children (Under 10 Years):

 

  • Simple Explanation: Describe menopause as a normal part of life where the body goes through changes. Reassure them that it’s a phase and their parent’s love hasn’t changed.

 

  • Focus on Stability: Emphasize that their parent will always be there for them and that the changes are natural and temporary.

 

 

  • Pre-Teens and Teens (11-17 Years):

 

  • Detailed Explanation: Provide a more detailed explanation of hormonal changes and how they might affect mood, energy, and health. Use straightforward language and analogies that relate to their own experiences.

 

  • Encourage Questions: Allow them to ask questions and express their concerns. This can help them process the information and reduce anxiety. We sat down with my exes daughter and explained to her how hormones can affect the body and mind, and then explained how difficult it was for Mummy to cope, and then answered any questions she had.

 

 

Emotional Awareness

 

  • Acknowledge Changes: Help children recognize that their parent’s mood swings or fatigue are part of menopause and not a reflection of their feelings towards them.

 

  • Provide Reassurance: Continuously reassure them that their parent’s love and care remain unchanged despite any mood fluctuations or health issues.

 

 

Coping Strategies

 

  • Encourage Dialogue: Ensure that children feel safe to discuss their feelings and ask questions about menopause. Honest and age-appropriate conversations can alleviate fears and misunderstandings.

 

  • Reassure Them: Reassure children that their parent is going through a challenging time but that they are supported and loved. Emphasize that menopause is a normal part of life.

 

 

Practical Tips for Support

 

  • Offer Help: Encourage children to help with household chores or provide emotional support to their parent. This can foster a sense of contribution and support. Kids love to help if they are given the chance. Even if it’s something small. My exes daughter (M) had a little bank card called GoHenry which was excellent for teaching her how to manage her money, but also to enable her to earn pocket money. You can assign chores and set an amount that they can earn for doing it. This not only encourages them to help around the house, but also makes them feel useful. I highly recommend this.

 

  • Create Stability: Maintain family routines and stability to provide a sense of normalcy and security. Consistent routines can help children feel grounded during times of change. I would often instigate family time, such as playing board games, or a group activity. If I felt she was bored because Mummy wasn’t giving her much attention, I’d put a movie on for her and sit with her or start a play fight. I tried to keep her engaged so she didn’t feel isolated. To be fair to her Mum she was pretty good with her throughout. But I did notice that she lost her cool more often. So I often jumped in and calmed the situation down. One thing to note is that they can quickly adapt to the situation and will try and turn things to their advantage. I noticed that M was staying up later and later and that her Mum was less strict on things like this. I did bring it up a few times, but as we didn’t live together I had limited sway there. You may want to keep an eye on things like this, as it can quickly lead to the child finding ways to get what they want all of the time. You want them to be treated normally with the usual disciplinary routines. You may also find that they crave your partners attention and love more. So it’s important not to compete, and things such as strict bedtimes can ensure that you also get quality time with your partner.

 

 

Emotional and Practical Support

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  • Display Understanding: Demonstrate patience and empathy in interactions with your partner. Children often model their behaviour after their parents or caregivers.

 

  • Encourage Positive Interactions: Engage in activities that the your partner enjoys and spend quality time together to strengthen the relationship and provide mutual support. Finding quality time to spend together as a family can help everybody to feel loved and supported and maintain your family bond.

 

 

Seek Support

 

  • Professional Help: If you’re all struggling or there a lot of arguments, consider family counselling or therapy to help navigate emotional challenges and improve family dynamics. Professional guidance can provide valuable tools for coping and communication.

 

  • Support Groups: Join support groups where children can connect with others in similar situations. Sharing experiences and receiving support from peers can be beneficial.

Ideas To Aid Talking To Children

Script for Young Children (Ages 4-7)

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Introduction: “We want to talk to you about something that’s happening with Mummy.”

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Explanation: “Mummy’s body is going through some changes, kind of like when you grow taller and learn new things. These changes are called ‘menopause.’ It’s a normal part of growing up for female grown-ups.”

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What Hormones Do: “Inside everyone’s body, there are little helpers called ‘hormones.’ They help our bodies work properly, like making sure we grow, sleep well, and feel happy. For Mummy, these little helpers are changing how they work right now.”

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Why Hormones Are Changing: “Mummy’s hormones are changing because her body is getting older. It’s like when you get older and your body changes, Mummy’s body is doing the same thing but in a different way. Her body doesn’t need these hormones as much anymore, so it makes her feel different.”

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Symptoms: “Sometimes, Mummy might feel really warm suddenly or get grumpy. That’s because her hormones are changing, and it can make her feel different from time to time.”

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Reassurance: “Sometimes Mummy might feel a tired or grumpy because of these changes, but it’s not because of you. Mummy still loves you very much, and we’re going to keep having fun together. If you ever have any questions, you can always ask me.”

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Closing: “Everything will be okay. Mummy is still the same Mummy, and we’ll keep helping each other and having happy times.”

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Script for Pre-Teens (Ages 8-12)

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Introduction: “We want to explain something important that’s happening with Mummy so you understand what’s going on.”

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Explanation: “Mummy is going through a stage called ‘menopause.’ This is a normal part of growing older for women. It means that Mummy’s body is changing and it’s making her hormones act differently.”

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What Hormones Do: “Hormones are special chemicals in our bodies that help control many things, like our mood, how we sleep, and how our bodies grow. They’re like messengers that tell our bodies what to do.”

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Why Hormones Are Changing: “During menopause, Mummy’s ovaries stop making eggs, and this changes how much of certain hormones, like estrogen, are in her body. Since these hormones helped regulate things like mood and temperature, their decrease can cause different feelings and changes in her body.”

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Symptoms: “Mummy might have symptoms like:

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  • Hot Flashes: Feeling suddenly very warm, sometimes with sweating.

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  • Mood Swings: Feeling happy one moment and then sad or irritable the next.

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  • Tiredness: Feeling more tired than usual.

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  • Sleep Problems: Having trouble sleeping or waking up a lot at night.”

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Reassurance: “Mummy still loves you just as much, and these changes won’t change our relationship. If you notice Mommy feeling different, it’s just because of this process. If you ever want to talk or have questions, I’m here for you.”

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Closing: “We’re a family, and we’ll support each other through this. Everything will be okay, and we’ll keep doing the things we love together.”

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Script for Teenagers (Ages 13-17)

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Introduction: “We think it’s important for you to know about something that’s going on with Mummy.”

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Explanation: “Mummy is experiencing menopause, which is a natural phase in a woman’s life. It usually happens in middle age, when a woman’s ovaries stop releasing eggs and her body decreases its production of hormones like estrogen and progesterone. This is a natural and normal part of aging.”

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What Hormones Do: “Hormones are chemicals that travel through the bloodstream and help control various functions in our body, such as mood, sleep patterns, and body temperature. They’re essential for keeping our bodies balanced and working smoothly.”

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Why Hormones Are Changing: “As Mummy’s ovaries stop releasing eggs, they also produce less estrogen and progesterone. These hormones were responsible for regulating many functions in her body. With lower levels, Mummy’s body has to adjust, which can lead to different symptoms and changes.”

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Symptoms: “Some common symptoms associated with menopause include:

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  • Hot Flashes: Sudden, intense heat sensations that can cause sweating and discomfort.

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  • Night Sweats: Similar to hot flashes but occurring at night, often disrupting sleep.

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  • Mood Swings: Variations in mood, such as irritability, anxiety, or depression.

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  • Sleep Disturbances: Difficulty sleeping, insomnia, or waking frequently during the night.​

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  • Memory and Concentration Issues: Difficulty focusing or remembering things.”

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Reassurance: “While Mummy might be dealing with these symptoms, it’s important to know that they are part of a natural process and that she still loves and cares about our family deeply. This phase can be challenging, but it’s something many women experience and adapt to over time.”

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Closing: “If you have any questions or need to discuss how this might impact our family, feel free to talk to me. We’re here to support each other through this transition.”

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Script for Older Teenagers (Ages 18+)

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Introduction: “We wanted to share some important information with you about what Mummy is going through right now.”

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Explanation: “Mummy is currently experiencing menopause, a stage that typically occurs in women during middle age. Menopause is when a woman’s ovaries stop releasing eggs and producing significant amounts of hormones like estrogen and progesterone. This is a natural and normal part of aging.”

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What Hormones Do: “Hormones are chemical messengers in our body that help regulate many important functions, including mood, metabolism, and reproductive processes. They help keep our bodies balanced and functioning properly.”

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Why Hormones Are Changing: “As Mummy’s ovaries produce fewer eggs, they also produce less estrogen and progesterone. These hormones are crucial for regulating various bodily functions, including mood and temperature control. With lower hormone levels, Mummy’s body undergoes changes, leading to symptoms like hot flashes and mood swings.”

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Symptoms: “Some of the common symptoms associated with menopause include:

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  • Hot Flashes: Sudden, intense heat sensations that can cause sweating and discomfort.

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  • Night Sweats: Similar to hot flashes but occurring at night, disrupting sleep.

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  • Mood Swings: Emotional changes, including irritability, anxiety, or depression.

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  • Sleep Disturbances: Issues with falling asleep or staying asleep through the night.

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  • Vaginal Dryness: Discomfort in the vaginal area.

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  • Memory and Concentration Issues: Difficulty with focus or memory.”

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Reassurance: “Even though Mummy might be dealing with these symptoms, it’s important to understand that this is a natural part of life and does not change her love for our family. These symptoms are temporary, and with time, Mummy will adapt to these changes.”

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Closing: “If you have any questions or want to discuss how this affects our family dynamics, I’m here to talk. We’ll get through this together, supporting each other.”

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